JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
