grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
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I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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