Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
