Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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