Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
