So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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