I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
are you so shy because you have an std?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
