Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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