this boner is exhausting
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
