it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
