I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
