the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Randomize
