She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
