He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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