3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im holly from the hills drunk
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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