went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We are two peas in an std pod
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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