thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
