I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I would ride that face into the sunset
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
