god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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