They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You are the jesus of drinking
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
