I think im going to throw up on grandma
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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