Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
