he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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