Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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