I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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