The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
