you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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