I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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