I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
