The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
