I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
