kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
