i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
