I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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