We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
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I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
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I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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