On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
