i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
