I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
