you're like a bully in the Christmas story
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
