Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
