Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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