last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
