This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
