It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
is it fun? or sober?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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