i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
