sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
