Me too!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
