Me too!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
