Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
