the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
