Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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