I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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