Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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