And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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