Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
