i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
