lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
