Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
