you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
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Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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