put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
