just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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