I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Will exercising make me less horny?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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