I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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