I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
