Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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