Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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