If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
