38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
did i walk over a car last night?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
