Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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